By Jenna Starkey and Erin Goodwin

I (Jenna) have been gathering ideas for this blog post for years.

I’m asked all the time about my definition of fulfillment, and whether or not I believe if fulfillment is actually possible for everyone. You would think that as a Fulfillment Coach, I could rattle off a neat definition of fulfillment, and a simple formula for crafting a fulfilled life with easeful conviction. The truth is that inside, I am overflowing with ideas and concepts about fulfillment - there is a lot I can say, and a lot that I am not sure how to say.

As an Enneagram type 7, I have always been drawn to the concept of fulfillment. 7’s are known for wanting to have fun, to feel joy, and to squeeze the most out of life. My love of Taoism (inspired by my World Religions class at my Catholic high school - bless Berkeley California), coupled with my passion for mindfulness and embodiment, meant that I always knew that I couldn’t think my way to fulfillment, I had to feel my way there. When I read the Tao Te Ching - essentially the Taoist book on fulfillment, I came across a sentence in a translated text that deeply inspired my curiosity: “Fulfillment comes from the empty cup”, the idea that experiencing more, and having more, doesn’t necessarily mean experiencing more fulfillment. Reading this felt like a punch in the gut to me as a lifelong Enneagram 7, who truly believed more flavor, more music, more travel, more hugs - would give me more satisfaction.

After allowing the Tao Te Ching’s ideas to percolate and integrate into my fulfillment practice, I knew that the Tao Te Ching was right. Less really is more. There is utility and opportunity in the empty cup; there is imagination and wonder there too. A few weeks ago, these integrated ideas and concepts culminated and came together beautifully and simply - the title of this blog post came to me like a flash of light: Fulfillment is Presence.

Of course it is. It’s all we have anyway.

The reality of authentic bone-deep fulfillment, is that it does not come when we are constantly in the pursuit of happiness, or validation, or partnership, or purpose, or whatever other experience, benchmark, or achievement we have decided will make us feel whole. We are not met with fulfillment when we sit in anxious anticipation, or in the strain that comes from forcefully willing our dreams to come to life when we want them. Fulfillment cannot be found in striving towards perfection, in the constant pressure to do better, or do more. Fulfillment is neither a destination we arrive at once we have become perfectly aligned nor an exclusive society we are only granted access to when we feel nothing but contentment and joy.

The key to fulfillment is learning how to design a life that we are excited to fully participate in now (with all of our senses.) One that we want to be present in even when the hard stuff comes - so that we can release the constant chase for something better beyond or behind us. Fulfillment is the friend that sits with us, shoulder to shoulder, when we trust the magic of the unknown, stay awake and pay attention to the truth of where we are right now, and recognize the power and agency that we hold to shape our own lives. Fulfillment fills the space between intention and destination. It is the supportive force that holds us when we accept that living a fulfilled life is, more often than not, quite messy, imperfect, painful, and incomplete.

To me, fulfillment is about making peace with the challenges, shifts, and pivots that we don’t understand. It’s about finding presence in the sacred reorientation and recalibration, and radically accepting what is while maintaining a readiness for what’s to come. Because the truth is that life will feel uncomfortable. There is no such thing as a life without discomfort. Our humanness is not something that can be ignored, or squashed, or overcome. There is no such thing as perfect alignment, and it’s often when we feel that we have everything figured out, that we are thrown people or circumstances that knock us off of our path. The reality of the human experience is that whether we have the dream career, or partner, or not, we will always be gifted the invitation to face our deepest fears, and explore the depths of our emotional experiences (even when all we want to do is turn away).

Fulfillment is not the full cup. It can not be found in the constant busyness - in filling our time with an overload of enjoyable experiences in order to avoid the harsh truths that lie within. Fulfillment is the space that we feel into when we remove the busyness and the distractions. When we remove the clutter and debris from our minds and give ourselves the space to see what lies behind the chaos; when our thoughts land gently on the precipice of self-understanding, and we can see with the clarity that comes from harnessing curiosity and the freshness of beginner’s mind.

Give yourself permission to see the world with childlike wonder, and marvel at the magic that can be found in the simplest details. Remember that pain and discomfort cannot be ignored without hurting ourselves in the long run. There is meaning that can be gleaned from discomfort, a benevolence that can be found in pain, and I never want anyone to be checked out, or numb to their experiences, in the name of fulfillment. Discomfort is our sacred teacher, it is part of the magic of being alive - you cannot fully appreciate the brightness of the stars without the darkness of the night sky. Fulfillment, is at its core, about staying connected to the steady hum of humanness. It’s about allowing any distorted meanings of uncomfortable situations to fall away, so that you can see the truth, practice discernment, and radically accept where and who you are right now.

So yes, I have an abundance of ideas about fulfillment flowing through me, and threatening to pour out of me. But, if there is one thing I want to leave you with, it is this: Fulfillment is found in the quality of your attention, in your willingness to stay connected to yourself, in finding comfort in the discomfort, and returning back to flow and alignment when you’ve noticed yourself drift away. Create the space to tap into a balanced nervous system, to connect with your Experiential Self, and to connect with your senses. Allow yourself to settle, to see what is true, and to be present with what reveals itself in the quiet. It is in these sensual, tangible moments that we experience how it feels to truly be alive. This space, this pure and simple space, is where gratitude, love and bliss live - the electric charge of your heart. Let this charged energy spread its warmth all around you, let it flow and go in all directions - like an invisible light that shines from within you, and touches those around you, allowing you to settle, to see what is true, and to be present with what reveals itself in the quiet.

Just like any other spiritual, or personal development pursuit, fulfillment is a practice. It comes in waves, and shifts with the changing tides. Pay attention to nature's evolution, a mirror into your ever-changing nature. Connect to your body, your source of truth, and give fulfillment the time and space to take hold, to grow, to bloom. And when it comes, allow yourself the space to enjoy the fruits of your practice.

Lastly, remember: “The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where we water it.”